


Love Lessons

by vaerys



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boys In Love, Drama & Romance, Gay, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love Triangles, M/M, Opposites Attract, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:33:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27883822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaerys/pseuds/vaerys
Summary: "Do you know how to kiss?""No, I've never kissed anyone before.""Okay, then let me show you."**Sykkuno has been in love with his good friend Jay for years now, but never had the courage to confess. That is until one night at a party, when he forces himself to put a love letter in Jay's bag in a drunken daze. When he awakens Sykkuno quickly realizes that he's screwed up, after Jay's good friend Corpse tells him that he accidentally put the letter in his bag instead. Corpse then decides to help a hopeless Sykkuno win Jay over, by teaching him the proper way to flirt and charm. But as their lessons get more and more intimate, they both become unsure of what their true intentions are.
Relationships: Corpse Husband & Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF), Corpse Husband/Sykkuno (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 191
Kudos: 1212





	1. one

"Brrr brrr brrrr."

The sound of Sykkuno's phone vibrating on his nightstand awoke him from his deep sleep. He squinted against the sunlight streaming through the blinds and lifted his head, could taste a coppery staleness in his mouth. Stray papers crumpled loudly and pens dug into his side as he rolled over to grab it amongst the litter of water bottles and snack wrappers.

"Hello?" He asked groggily into the speaker, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"Sykkuno!" Jay's voice was enough to jolt him awake. "Where the hell are you? Class is about to start! You're gonna miss the test!"

He gasped and sat up, scrambling to look at his alarm. "Shit!" He'd stayed up the whole night studying for his physics test that he'd forgotten to set it. "I'll be right there, thank you for calling me!"

He flew out of bed and pulled on a sweater and some sweats, almost knocking over his bonsai plant that sat atop his dresser in the process. He grabbed his bag and scrambled to find his keys at his gaming computer to lock his dorm. Sometimes he missed having his younger sister jump on his back to wake him up in the mornings. If he was still living at home, he was sure he wouldn't be as late as he was now.

He dashed out into the cool fall morning, crispy leaves crunching underneath his shoes as he raced across the campus. By the time he reached the classroom, his lungs were burning. He clutched his chest as he walked in and noticed everyone was already seated in the lecture hall. The professor was busy handing out papers, so he didn't notice him coming in.

He quickly spotted Jay in the back row, he could make out his beautiful blue eyes anywhere. Sykkuno pushed his matted black hair out of his eyes and made his way towards him. As he moved closer, he noticed a student sitting beside him that had long, curly dark hair tied into a low ponytail. He had olive tinted skin and dark eyes that were focused on the table. Sykkuno had never seen him before, was he new? He noticed his tattoos peeking out from under his shirt then and the piercings too, was that eyeliner-

"Jesus Sy, you look like shit." Jay scanned him up and down.

"I feel like shit." He laughed awkwardly. They'd known each other for five years now and he still got so nervous around him. He glanced over at the boy who was now staring at him curiously.

"Well, at least you made it on time."

"Please take your seat." The teacher spoke from behind him. Sykkuno noticed there was an empty seat beside the new student.

"Oh shit, I almost forgot to introduce you two," Jay gestured towards him, "Sy this is Corpse, we were friends back at my old high school before I moved here. He just transferred here yesterday and is in our program. There's an empty seat beside him if you want to sit down."

Sykkuno cleared his throat. "Ah, hi. Nice to meet you." He tried hard to hide his disappointment that he couldn't be close to Jay today. Although it was his fault because he was late.

"Hey." Corpse's deep and raspy voice stopped him in his tracks as he moved to sit beside him.

Jay giggled. "Don't worry, that was my reaction too when I first heard him speak."

"Okay, no more talking." Their teacher interrupted and handed them their tests. "You all may begin your midterm, you have two hours. Corpse you can just spend this period catching up on what we've studied since your new to this program."

"Okay, thanks." He nodded. A few students looked back at him, not out of disgust but rather interest. Sykkuno noticed a few girls eyeing him up and down. He hadn't even been there a day and he was already on everyone's radar.

Sykkuno squirmed in his seat. Why was he nervous? Jay probably didn't care about him like that, but still he was basically the full package. If Jay did happen to have feelings for him, Sykkuno wouldn't have a chance.

Those thoughts raked his mind as he did his test. He blinked when the teacher told them to stop writing, signaling that their time was up. It was over already? Sykkuno let out a sigh and turned his paper over.

"Damn, I'm so tired now." Jay stretched and groaned loudly as he stood up. Sykkuno's heart stopped when he tilted his head at him and gave a charming smile. "How do you think you did Sy?"

"O-Okay I guess."

"I'm sure you did amazing." He sighed. "Anyways, you wanna catch up with Raina and grab something to eat before our next class? Corpse you're welcome to come a long as well if you want."

Sykkuno watched as Corpse collected his things and put them in his black bag. "I'm okay, but thanks for offering. I should probably try to keep catching up on this stuff."

Jay chuckled and they did a quick handshake. "Okay, I'll catch up with you later."

Corpse left the lecture hall and almost everyone's eyes followed. Sykkuno and Jay followed behind him a while after.

"So what do you think about him?" Jay asked curiously.

He shrugged. "Ah, he seems cool? I don't know, I need to get to know him better before I say anything."

"True...His voice is crazy though right? Everyone seems to love it now though."

"Only now?" Sykkuno looked at him.

"Yeah," Jay ticked a brown strand of hair behind his ear, exposing the mole on his cheek that Sykkuno loved. "When we first started high school together, some assholes used to bully him over it. They said he sounded like a demon, but it's not his fault he has a medical condition."

Sykkuno blinked and looked away. He didn't know why hearing that surprised him so much.

They noticed Raina outside her classroom then amongst the other students rushing through the halls. She gave them a bright smile and waved giddily.

"Hey besties, what's up?" She linked arms with them. They'd all been friends since they met at a party a few months ago. Raina was drunk and just started chatting up a storm with them, but for some reason they hit it off and were tight ever since.

"Nothing much, just starving. Let's go to the cafeteria before it's too late." Jay yawned.

"Yeah, my stomach was rumbling my whole fucking class." She glanced at him. "What about you Sy? You look like you just walked into traffic."

He laughed. "Wow thanks for noticing. I was literally up all night studying for my test and almost missed it this morning. So yeah, life is just peachy."

"Oof, that's tough."

They walked to the food complex. Jay left to go buy a sandwich, while Raina and Sykkuno stayed behind to figure out what they wanted.

"Hey," Raina elbowed him in his side then.

Sykkuno gave her a weird look. "What is it?"

"You know what...Have you told Jay how you feel about him yet?"

"What? No, fuck no, are you crazy?"

"Well what the hell are you waiting for? Until someone else confesses? Do you know how many of my girlfriends like him?"

Look," Sykkuno bit his lip, "I just, I just haven't found the right time yet okay?"

She sighed and then gave him a mischievous smile. "Well I'm about to give you the perfect opportunity. Tonight, I'm throwing a party at my dorm to give everyone a breather before midterms. Come tonight with Jay and tell him how you feel alright?"

"No, I can't do that-"

"And why not? Look, you can't hide your feelings forever alright? It's just going to eat you up inside."

Sykkuno shook his head. "But what if he rejects me? It's going to be so awkward between us."

"Well what if he doesn't? You'll get a hot boyfriend and you two will be the cutest couple in this crappy place." She pressed. "Come on, as your best friend, I literally can't stand to see you simping from the sidelines like this. You have to do something!"

Sykkuno was about to respond when he noticed Jay coming back towards them. Even him simply walking mesmerized Sykkuno. He was in deep and he didn't know how to get out. Raina was right too, this crush on him was eating him up. He'd confess to him, but not directly. If he told him how he felt to his face, he would just mess everything up.

"What are you two talking about?" Jay asked them curiously.

"Oh nothing." Raina said in a teasing tone, "just wondering if you were going to come to my party tonight."

"What? Well obviously, I don't want to miss another one of your drunk escapades." Jay grinned.

"Perfect." Raina winked at Sykkuno, then turned back to him.

"Wait, can I ask if my friend Corpse can come too. He's new to the school so he's still getting to know people."

"Corpse...I swear I heard his name floating around today. Is he hot, brooding and mysterious, with a really deep voice?"

"Um, I guess?"

"Omg!" Raina squealed. "He sounds so cool, of course he can come. I can't wait to meet him."

Jay chuckled. "Awesome, I'll text him later." Sykkuno' s heart stopped when Jay glanced at him. "You feeling okay? You're being kinda quiet."

"I-I'm fine." He cleared his throat.

Jay slung an arm around his shoulder. "Good, just making sure. I wouldn't want my best friend to be sad."

Sykkuno's heart sank slightly. "Yeah...Best friend." 

**

The loud thumping of music smacked against Sykkuno's head as he sat in the corner of Raina's dorm later that night. The space no longer even looked like a dorm but more like a club room with the amount of people and alcohol. It was starting to smell of sweat too, Sykkuno wished he could open a window.

He'd arrived there with Corpse and Jay after almost chickening out. He'd written a letter for Jay before, just kept it simple.

I'm in love with you,

Sykkuno

It was actually more like a note, but it was enough to get his feelings across. He tried many times to write something longer, but every attempt felt cheesier than the last. Either way he was still too afraid to give it to him. It sat in his pocket, weighed him down like a boulder. The thought of it being there made him physically ill. He was glad Jay had gotten dragged away by some people as soon as they came in. And that Corpse and Raina had disappeared off somewhere too. If he was with any of them right now, he was sure he would have a panic attack.

Sykkuno glanced to his left at the bags thrown down on the floor beside the couch. He could spot Jay's, it was black like Corpse's but had a yellow lightning pin on it. All he had to do was reach over and open it, why was he so nervous? He felt like people were watching him, wouldn't they think he was weird for going in his bag? Would they even care? What if he accidentally dropped the note and they saw? What if Jay found out through them?

Sykkuno groaned and shook his head. He needed a drink.

He forced himself up from the couch and pushed through the mass of bodies towards the small kitchen. There was a table with snacks, beer, and punch most likely spiked with something. Sykkuno grabbed a red cup and downed whatever he could swallow quickly. A few minutes passed by and he was still drinking. He just didn't want to think anymore. The only way he could do this is if his mind was fuzzy. After a few more drinks, the room finally started spinning. Sykkuno stumbled and made his way back towards the couch. He moved shakily to grab hold of Jay's bag and shoved the letter inside.

When he was finally done, he slumped down onto the floor.

"Yay, I did it!" He slurred happily to himself. A few people looked at him weirdly. He ignored them and got up and started dancing. Well that's what he assumed he was doing. But it felt more like he was just twirling around really fast. His legs eventually gave out from underneath him and he tumbled onto the floor, laughing loudly at his clumsiness. Then a sudden wave of tiredness hit him and the room slowly became dark.

When he awoke, he was flopped over on his bed. A sharp migraine now twisted itself through his head as he lifted himself up slowly. He could barely feel his legs or arms. He groaned and turned onto his side. How the hell did he even get back there? A mug of hot ginger honey tea that his mom had given to him before leaving, sat on his night table. He frowned in confusion at it. As he reached for the cup, he noticed something shift at his gaming desk.

"You're awake?" He recognized the gravelly voice immediately. Corpse stood from the chair slowly.

Sykkuno gave him a weird look. "Um...Yeah. What the hell are you doing in here?"

"Sorry, let me explain myself." He laughed awkwardly. "You kinda passed out at the party. Jay was worried about you and wanted to get you home, but he had a lot to drink too. I was leaving anyway so I offered to take you back to your dorm. Turns out we live close to the same place so that worked out too. I didn't want to leave until you woke up."

"Oh," Sykkuno scratched his chin, "well thank you."

"No problem." Corpse cleared his throat and glanced at his desk. "So you game too? That's cool. What do you play?"

"Uh...Anything really, but I'm into Minecraft and Among Us more these days."

"Shit that's awesome, I'm into Among Us as well. Maybe we can link up and play one day."

"Yeah..." Sykkuno trailed off.

"Sorry," Corpse smirked. "I'm being a bit too formal...I just thought maybe after you put that note in my bag that you wanted to get to know me better or something-"

"Wait," He blinked, "what note are you talking about?"

Corpse bent down to pick up his bag from the floor. "You probably forgot because you passed out..."

Sykkuno watched in horror as he pulled the slip of paper from his pocket and held it up.

"You told me you were in love with me."


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the love on the last chapter, I wasn't expecting it to get that many kudos or engagements in general! It really made my day <3

Sykkuno scrambled from his bed and snatched the note from Corpse’s hand. He clutched it against his chest and gave him a sharp look. “Where did you get this from?”

Corpse pointed at his bag. “I just said you put it in my bag-” 

“No, I didn’t! I put it in Jay’s bag!” His eyes studied Corpse’s bag then and his stomach sank. They were both black. He was probably so drunk that he didn’t even realize he put it in the wrong one. How could he be so stupid? He literally had one job, just to give the note to Jay but he completely screwed it up. Now Corpse thought he was in love with him and Jay still didn’t know how he felt. 

“Hey, you know I’m joking right? It’s pretty obvious that that note wasn’t for me, considering we just met yesterday.” Corpse chuckled then. 

“Listen to me,” Sykkuno walked towards him and put a firm hand on his shoulder, “you can’t tell Jay about this alright? Not a single word to anyone.”

“I promise I won’t tell.” 

“You need to swear on it.” 

“I swear I won’t tell.” 

“Pinky promise-” 

Corpse put a hand on his shoulder now. “Sykkuno, can you relax? I’m not telling him or anyone anything. This is your business, not mine.” 

Sykkuno sighed and slumped back onto his bed. He just wanted to curl up and disappear. 

Corpse watched him quietly for a while before speaking up. “I know it’s not really my place to say anything, but...Is that really how you were thinking of confessing to him?” 

“Yes.” He huffed. “Is there something wrong with it?” 

“Yes, because we’re not in the 1950s anymore.” 

“Okay great philosopher of love and emotions, please do tell me the right way to confess to someone in 2020!” 

Corpse turned away from him and began walking towards the door. “If you don’t want my help then I can just go-”

Sykkuno sat up quickly. “Wait!” 

He stopped moving. 

“Sorry, you just don’t really seem like the type of person that would know a lot about romance and love.”

“Wow, that’s kind of offensive.” 

He pursed his lips. “I said sorry.” 

Corpse leaned back against the wall by the door and shoved his hands in his pockets. “You don’t have to look like cupid to have common sense about love.” 

“I guess you’re right...So what do you think I should do then?” 

“Well, how long have you known Jay?”

Sykkuno shrugged. “Five years now.” 

Corpse raised a brow at him. “Five years...And you still don’t know how he likes to be confessed to?” 

“No, okay? I’ve never asked him, it’s too embarrassing.” 

“Well...I’ve only known him for two years and even I have a hunch.” Corpse sighed. “Jay is a romantic. He likes romantic movies, he wants his first time to be big, he wants someone to tell him he loves him to his face not on a piece of paper.” 

Sykkuno bit his lip nervously. How did he not know any of this? Did Jay not show this side of himself around him on purpose? He mainly just acted chill with him, not really like a hopeless romantic. But he obviously showed that side to Corpse; did that mean he liked him?

“So what exactly are you implying?” Sykkuno crossed his arms. “That I should tell him I love him to his face?”

“Maybe not right off the bat, that might scare him away. You need to ask him out first, maybe drop hints.” 

“Hints?” 

“Yes.” Corpse pushed himself off the wall and made his way towards him. Sykkuno held his breath when he leaned forward, closing the space between them. Their eyes locked and his stomach fluttered. “I’ve been meaning to tell you, you have really pretty eyes.”

Sykkuno could feel his face turning red. “U-Um, thank you-“

“See? Subtle hints like that can really get the message across.” Corpse stepped back.

Sykkuno covered his face in embarrassment. What the hell? Why did he think he was being serious? His phone rang loudly then and he quickly grabbed it to distract himself. He noticed it was Raina calling. 

“Um...I actually have to take this.” He told Corpse awkwardly. 

“That’s fine, I’ll just see you tomorrow then.” He bent down to grab his things. 

“Wait,” Sykkuno stood up. Corpse glanced at him. “Would it be okay, if you kept helping me? I’m really clueless when it comes to this sorta thing, but you seem like you know what you’re doing.” 

“I can keep helping you,” Corpse tilted his head, “but what am I gonna get out of it?”

“Anything you want, I’ll give it to you.”

He smiled. “Okay, I’ll have to think about it. Anyways, make sure you keep resting. Your body went through a lot tonight. I’ll come back here at the same time tomorrow so we can continue our lesson.”

“Okay.” Sykkuno nodded. 

He stared blankly at the door once he was gone. What the hell just happened? How did he end up getting Corpse of all people to be his love teacher? He glanced down at his phone and noticed it had stopped ringing. He quickly called Raina back. 

“Sy? Thank god you’re okay, I was really worried about you.” She sighed. “Good thing Corpse got you back safely.” 

“Yeah, I’m sorry I was being reckless. That’s never happening again.” 

“It’s okay...By the way, did you tell Jay yet?” 

“No, I couldn’t exactly find the right time since I was you know...Unconscious. But I promise I will soon.” He shook his head. “Speaking of Jay, where is he?” 

“He’s crashed out on my couch, almost everyone is gone but him. Usually I’m the one who gets this drunk, not him.” She laughed. 

Sykkuno smiled, picturing the way he looked. “Well as long as he’s okay. Anyways, I’m going to sleep. My head is killing me.”

“Okay, I’ll tell him you called.”

“Thanks, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The line went dead and Sykkuno put his phone back onto the dresser. He lay down slowly and stared at the tea that was still hot and steaming. Even though Corpse barely knew him, he still went out of his way to help him. And he was still helping him now with Jay. If Jay had asked him again what he thought of him, he would say he thought he was a good guy. 

He closed his eyes. For once he felt confident about things, especially now that he had guidance. 

Tomorrow everything would change; he would try to make Jay fall for him. 

**

“Oh my god, I feel like shit. This is the worst hangover I’ve ever had.” Jay groaned the next morning. They sat in the library trying to make an attempt at studying, but they were all just distracted and tired instead. 

Raina sighed loudly and closed her textbook. “I need to leave this place, if I have to write another essay I might jump off of a cliff.”

Sykkuno shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He couldn’t concentrate on his work simply because Jay was beside him. All he could think about was how he could make a move on him, but he couldn’t bring his body to do it. 

He noticed Corpse walk into the library then. Raina spotted him too and quickly straightened up. She brushed her short hair through her fingers. “How do I look?” She asked them. 

“Fine,” Jay frowned, “why?” 

“Because Corpse is coming.” She whispered. 

Sykkuno chuckled. “Since when were you interested in him?” 

“Since last night when you guys introduced us. He was a lot more attractive than I imagined and he’s nice too.” She cleared her throat. “Also half of my friends like him too, so I want to be the first to date him.” 

“Jesus, girls are so weird.” Jay rolled his eyes. 

“Shh.” Raina waved her hand at him, gesturing for him to come over. “Corpse, over here!” 

He noticed them and came over. “Hey guys. Jay, I just came to give you back your textbook because I bought my own. Thanks for lending it to me though.” 

“No problem man,” Jay muttered and took it from him. 

Corpse was about to turn away but Raina grabbed his hand. “Are you leaving already? C’mon, sit down with us.” 

“Uh sure, I guess I can stay for a second.” He sat down slowly. Sykkuno caught his eye then and he tilted his head towards Jay. He knew exactly what he was hinting at. It was now or never; he had to make a move. 

“So, do you have a type Corpse?” Raina asked curiously. 

“Um, not particularly-“ 

Sykkuno drowned them out and looked directly at Jay who had his head down on the table. Sykkuno poked his arm. He looked up at him slowly. “Hm?” 

Even though his hair was messy and he had bags under his eyes, he still looked beautiful. Sykkuno felt his heart shudder as he fell deeply into his gaze. He’d completely lost his train of thought, what was he supposed to be doing again? 

Jay cocked his head. “Are you good?” 

“Uh, yeah...Hahahaha!” He laughed awkwardly. “I was just going to tell you something-“ 

“What is it?” 

“You look absolutely amazing today!” 

Jay burst out laughing. “You don’t gotta lie to me Sy, I look like complete shit. But thanks for trying to make me feel better.” 

Sykkuno was about to say something but Jay put his head back down again. That was a complete fail. He wanted to dig a hole and die in it. How was he supposed to flirt properly with Jay if he got so nervous around him?

Sykkuno forced himself to glance at Corpse to see his reaction. 

He had a small smirk on his face as he talked to Raina. 

Was he trying not to laugh at him???

Sykkuno clenched his teeth and stood up. “I’m going to the washroom.” 

He stalked away from the table before they could respond and ushered to the bathroom, locking himself in the stall. He sat on top of the toilet and put his face in his hands. He felt so fucking embarrassed. Maybe if he just hid in there long enough, he would disappear off the face of the Earth. 

A few minutes passed and a knock sounded at the stall. 

“It’s occupied!” He called back. 

“Don’t worry, it’s just me.” Corpse responded. 

Sykkuno stood up and opened the door, giving him a flat look. “What, did you come to laugh at me again?” 

“Sorry...It’s just that that was quite literally the worst flirting I’ve ever seen in my life.” He started laughing again but quickly stifled it with a cough. “You need to be more confident or else it’s not going to be believable.” 

“Well my bad, I literally have no idea what I’m doing!” 

Corpse sighed. “I promised I would help you tonight didn’t I? So stop stressing so much. And please don’t ever do that again, because I don’t think I can handle anymore second hand embarrassment.” 

“Fine, geez.” Sykkuno huffed. He froze when Corpse suddenly moved towards him and gently brushed something from his hair. He was so close that Sykkuno could see the slight stubble and moles that dotted his chin. The smell of his cologne tickled his nose. 

Corpse moved back, their eyes locking together slowly. “Sorry, there was just a little piece of paper in your hair.” 

“It’s okay, thanks.” 

He smiled softly. “So are you going to leave the washroom now or are you going to hide in here forever.” 

“I’m going to leave...But I actually need to pee first.” 

He chuckled. “Okay, I’ll see you out there.” 

Sykkuno nodded. “Yeah.” 

He waited until he was gone before he let out a long breath that he didn’t even realize he was holding. 

He put his hand on his chest. 

Why was his heart beating so fast?


	3. three

“Okay pretend I’m Jay. Try flirting with me and I’ll tell you everything that’s wrong.” Corpse told him later that night. They sat across from each other on the floor and Corpse munched on a bag of potato chips. He thrust the bag towards Sykkuno. “Wait, before we start do you want some?” 

“I’m good thanks, I need to get into the zone and not be distracted by food.” He took in a deep breath. 

“Whatever floats your boat.” 

“Okay, pretend you’re Jay.” Sykkuno whispered firmly to himself. He started batting his eyes then to look more innocent and endearing. 

Corpse stopped eating. “What are you doing?” 

“Trying to flirt like you told me.” 

“You look like you’re having a seizure.” 

“Hey!” He snapped.

“Well it’s true!” Corpse let out a sigh. “Look you need to relax alright? Just act casual. Why don’t you give him a compliment or something. What’s something that you like about him?” 

“Everything.” 

“One thing in particular dude.” 

Jay’s pretty blue eyes immediately popped into his head then. He looked directly at Corpse and envisioned them before him. “Your eyes are as deep and blue as the ocean, every time I look into them I fall further for you.” 

When Corpse didn’t say anything back, Sykkuno snapped out of his trance. “Was that good?” 

Corpse cleared his throat and shoved some more chips into his mouth. “Yeah it was, that was really poetic.” 

Sykkuno groaned. “I feel like I can do it easily with you because you’re not actually him. But when I get near him I just turn into a mess.” 

“Then just try to imagine someone else when you’re with him, that might distract you.” 

“Maybe you’re right.” 

It fell silent between them and Corpse glanced at him. “Um, can I ask you something? What made you start liking Jay so much?”

A painful image of his past pierced his memory then. Him crying four years ago after finding out his dad passed away and Jay being there to hold him. “He’s just always been by my side for as long as I can remember. He’s helped me through the good and the bad times. I just can’t imagine my life without him.”

Corpse nodded but didn’t say anything.

“What about you? How did you get to know him?” Sykkuno asked. He was curious, but also feeling nosy. 

“Similar to you, he helped me through a lot. I used to get bullied and he tried his best to defend me.” His voice sounded distant. 

“I feel like he does so much for other people, I just want to cherish him and make sure he’s loved too.” Sykkuno said softly. “By the way, sorry about the bullying. I used to get picked on for being really quiet. It might not be the same as your experience but I know how much it can affect someone.”

Corpse’s face fell. “Yeah...”

It went quiet again but it wasn’t a comfortable silence, more suffocating.

“So,” Sykkuno cleared his throat, trying to change the subject. “What do you think about Raina?”

“Raina?” Corpse tilted his head, “she’s nice, but not really my type.”

“I thought you didn’t have a type.”

He smirked. “So you were eavesdropping on our conversation?” 

“No...Whatever. I’m just surprised you’re not dating anyone, considering how many people like you.” He said. 

“I don’t really care about everyone that has feelings for me. If I can just find one person that I can vibe with, then I’ll be fine.” Corpse shrugged. 

“Right.” Sykkuno laid down on the floor. “So what else can you teach me?”

“Whoa, you’re getting way too ahead of yourself now. You still need to work on your flirting.” He chuckled. 

Sykkuno shot him a look.

“But,” he spoke slowly, “maybe you can try figuring out how you’re going to ask him out.”

“Mhm.”

“Maybe ease into the conversation. Tell him what you told me about his eyes and then go from there.” 

Sykkuno yawned. “Okay, I’m definitely going to try.”

Corpse stared at him. “Are you getting tired?”

“Yeah a little, but I want to practice more.”

“No,” Corpse stood up, “you should get some rest.”

“Oh c’mon, we barely did anything.”

“I’m not the one yawning here, you are.”

“Please just five more minutes, teach me something else.”

Corpse crouched down and looked at him. “Do you know how to kiss?”

“No, I’ve never kissed anyone before.”

“Okay, then let me show you.”

Corpse leaned over him, placing his hand by his head so he was pinned below him. Sykkuno’s eyes widened. 

“Pfft.” He chuckled. “You should see your expression right now.”

Sykkuno clenched his teeth and pushed him away. “Will you stop doing that!”

“Doing what?”

“Coming close to me and catching me off guard!”

“Sorry,” Corpse gave him a smile that made his whole body freeze up. “I just like teasing you.”

Sykkuno watched him closely as he stood back up again. 

“Get some sleep, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“If I manage to ask him out in the future,” Sykkuno stopped him before he left, “will you actually teach me properly what you were about to do?”

Corpse faced him again, his gaze was more dark now; almost challenging. “You really want me to?”

The word fell out of his mouth before he could stop it. 

“Yes.”


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably only be able to upload chapters every other day because school is killing me right now. I'll try my best to post frequently though! Again, thank you so much for reading <3

Tw // mention of cuts from self harm

**

“Maybe ease into the conversation. Tell him what you told me about his eyes and then go from there.” 

Corpse’s advice ran through Sykunno’s head a few days later. He could barely sleep thinking about what he was going to do. He had a plan all set up in his head. He’d asked Jay if they could meet up at the park by his dorm. When he saw him, he would ask him to sit down beside him on the swing and then he would go from there. The plan was perfect in his head, but he knew that anything could go wrong because of his nerves.

A slight wind picked up then and rustled through the colorful leaves on the trees. Sykkuno shivered and pulled his hat further down onto his head, burying himself deeper into his coat. He glanced around at the people walking their dogs, rushing to work, going into stores, and the laughing children racing around the park. For some reason, the commotion around him eased his nerves. If he was alone, he probably would’ve chickened out.

Two girls who looked like they were in middle school sauntered up to him then. One of them crossed her arms. “Are you done on that swing? You’re not even swinging.” 

“I’m actually waiting for my friend-“

“You’re literally too old to be on there, stop hogging it!” The other girl snapped.

Sykkuno sighed. “Where are your parents?”

“Who cares, just get up!” She shoved him hard suddenly and he tumbled off of the swing into the sand.

“Hey!” He hissed.

“Sykkuno, what the hell is going on?” Jay’s voice made him freeze. He stood up quickly and wiped the sand off his pants.

“N-Nothing.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. 

“Pfft, only you would get pushed around by little girls.” He giggled.

Sykkuno shot him a look. 

The girls stuck their tongues out at him and he gave them one last glare before they left. That was the worst possible time to embarrass himself in front of him. He took in a deep breath and collected himself again. 

“Did you just want to walk around?” He asked.

“Sure.”

They walked for a while through the park. Sykkuno could feel his heart pounding in his ears, he kept his gaze on the sidewalk. 

“So,” Jay spoke up slowly, “what did you wanna talk to me about?”

“U-Um, well, um…” He couldn’t find the right words. 

“Then just try to imagine someone else when you’re with him, that might distract you.” Corpse’s voice sounded in his head again. 

He clenched his teeth and looked directly at Jay. He imagined Corpse was there beside him instead. 

“I just wanted to ask...If maybe you wanted to go out sometime?” He forced the words out and held his breath waiting for his response. 

“Go out?” Jay blinked. “Don’t we always go out together?”

“N-No, like um, like on an actual date…”

His eyes widened. “Oh.”

Sykkuno swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yeah.”

Jay ran a hand slowly through his hair. An unsure look flickered across his face, but it was quickly covered with a small smile. “Sure Sy, you can take me anywhere.” 

His heart stopped. “What? Really?”

“Yes, I would love to go out with you.”

It didn’t feel real. Did he really just say yes? He wasn’t joking around? 

“Dude your face is so red right now.” Jay laughed. 

Sykkuno covered his face quickly. “I’m sorry, I’m just really embarrassed.”

“Don’t be embarrassed, it’ll be fun.” He put an arm around his shoulder and gave him a reassuring squeeze. 

Sykkuno looked at him again. “By the way, I really love your eyes.”

Jay’s face fell but he quickly gave him another smile. “Thank you Sy.”

“You’re welcome.”

Sykkuno closed his eyes, trying to contain his excitement.

He was so happy.

**

When Corpse came to his dorm later that night, Sykkuno hugged him happily. 

“Whoa, what is happening?” He laughed, hugging him back slowly. 

“It worked, we’re going out on a date!” He grinned. 

Corpse let go of him. “Wait, what? You asked him out already?”

“Yeah...Is that a bad thing?”

“No...I just didn’t think you had the guts to do it just yet, but wow...Congrats.” He sat down at his desk slowly and glanced up at him. “So what was his reaction?”

“It was good, he said he would love to go out with me.” Sykkuno sighed exasperatedly and flopped back onto his bed. “He also said I could take him anywhere.”

Corpse didn’t say anything back. 

Sykkuno sat up. “What? I thought you would be more happy for me since you’re helping me.”

“I am happy for you,” He crossed his arms. “I just, that seemed a bit too easy? Especially for Jay.”

“Well he’s not exactly a difficult person.” 

“I know, I’m just saying.”

“So what exactly are you implying? That he didn’t mean it?”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Corpse sighed and shook his head. “Look, just forget it all right? Pretend I didn’t say anything.”

Sykkuno stared at him. “So did you have any more advice for me?”

Corpse shrugged. “I don’t know, it depends. What do you want to know?”

“Well I’ve never been on a date before.” He said. “I don’t really know where I should take him, what I should wear, how I should act. Maybe you could help me with that since you’ve probably been on a lot of dates.”

“I’ve never been on a date before.” 

Sykkuno‘s eyes widened. “Huh?”

“I mean, I’ve been out with people but nothing really romantic.” He chuckled.

“Wait, have you ever even been in a serious relationship before?” 

“Nope.”

“T-Then,” Sykkuno fumbled, “how do you know how to give such good advice about this stuff?”

“Reading, watching shows...It was a coping mechanism for me in high school. I just wanted to know what it felt like to be loved by someone.” He gave an embarrassed smile. 

“Jesus, you’re something else.” He smiled back. “Well I hope you find the one soon.”

Corpse gave him a deep look. “Mhm, so do I.”

Sykkuno looked away quickly and stood up. He walked over to his closet and opened it, skimming through his clothes. “So what do you think I should wear?”

He became tense when he felt Corpse behind him. “Maybe you should figure out where you want to take him first.” He said.

“You’re right,” Sykkuno turned towards him slowly. “What’s a place he would want to go to...I know he really likes stargazing...Maybe we should go somewhere, relax, and just look at the sky.”

“In the middle of fall?” Corpse let out a laugh. “It’s going to be freezing, do you want to catch a cold?”

“Well what do you suggest?”

“I told you Jay’s a romantic, take him out to a fancy dinner or something.”

He gave him a flat look. “I’m literally a broke college student.”

“Jesus it doesn’t have to be anything crazy, something you can afford obviously. Just make sure it’s a decent looking place.”

“Fine, I’ll do my research.” Sykkuno pursed his lips. “So I was wondering, when should I tell him I love him?”

“Definitely not on the first date unless you want to freak him out.”

“True, sorry. I just don’t know how much longer I can wait.”

Corpse watched him carefully. 

“Do you think he knows I like him?” Sykkuno asked nervously. 

“I mean, he should, considering you asked him out on a date.” He chuckled, lifting his arm to retie his hair. His shirt sleeve rolled down slightly, exposing the tattoos that lined his arm. 

Sykkuno gazed at them. 

“What?” Corpse looked at his arm. 

“Nothing, they’re just really pretty. Is it okay if I have a closer look?” 

“Sure.” He extended his arm and Sykkuno examined them. They were black lines that looked like flames that snaked up his arm towards his shoulder. It kind of reminded him of the ink calligraphy he did back home for fun. He traced his fingers along them slowly towards his wrist where they stopped. The skin no longer felt smooth beneath his finger tips, but rather rough and disturbed. 

Sykkuno turned Corpse’s wrist over carefully and noticed horizontal marks along its base across the veins before the palm. The tip of the black flames ended there, almost as if they were meant to cover the marks. Were those cuts-

Corpse yanked his hand back suddenly. 

“I think you saw enough.” He whispered.

“I’m sorry-”

“It’s okay, I’m feeling kind of tired. Maybe we can continue this tomorrow.” He gave him a shaky smile. 

He was about to turn away but Sykkuno grabbed his hand. 

“Corpse, you’ve been helping me a lot. But please know, that if you ever need help too...For anything, I’ll be here for you okay?” He spoke firmly.

Corpse nodded but he didn’t look at him. “Thank you Sykkuno. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When he let go of his hand, Sykkuno felt obligated to reach back for it. But he let him go instead. 

The sound of the door closing behind him left a painful throb in his heart.


	5. five

“YOU ASKED HIM OUT?” Raina screamed when Sykkuno told her the news the next day. They sat down for coffee and hot chocolate at the small cafe in the food complex. 

“Shh! Dude what the hell, not everyone needs to know!” He hushed her. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She squealed. “I just can’t believe it. I was literally just telling you to tell him your feelings and now you two are going out on a date!”

He sighed and stirred his coffee slowly. “Well I haven’t exactly told him how I feel yet, but I will when we go out.” 

“It’s okay Sy, one step at a time. The fact that you’re going out on a date is amazing enough.” She gasped suddenly. “Wait! What if I asked Corpse out and we did like a double date kinda thing?” 

Sykkuno’s stomach dropped at the mention of him. They hadn’t spoken since last night when he discovered the marks on his wrist. He hoped he was doing okay. He wanted to ask him what happened, but he didn’t want to invade his privacy. 

“What? Is it not a good idea?” Raina pressed.

“No, sorry it’s not that. I was just thinking about something else.” He shook his head. “Anyways, I still need to figure out where we’re going to go. I was thinking of a nice place for dinner.” 

“Ooh that sounds romantic.” She smiled. “Speaking of Jay, where the hell is he? I haven’t seen him all morning.” 

“Maybe he’s sleeping in.” 

Raina stood up suddenly and Sykkuno gave her a weird look. 

“Are you okay?” He asked her.

“No, look!” She pointed behind him and he turned around. It was Corpse, he was walking with a really pretty girl. They looked like they were going to order food together. “I can’t believe that slut Crystal Jamison is about to steal Corpse from me.” 

“Who in the world is Crystal Jamison?” 

“I went to high school with her, she hooked up with everyone; even a teacher. And now she got her claws into Corpse, I will not let this happen.” Raina seethed.

Sykkuno studied her. She was tall and skinny, with tan skin and long, sleek black hair. She was also dressed down in designer clothing. They seemed to be talking pretty seriously about something and laughing too. So she was his type? It surprised him for some reason. He shook his head and looked away. Why did he even care?

“I’m going to ask Jay where he is.” He muttered and pulled out his phone. 

“No! We need to go over there and stop them!”

“Raina, what you need to do is calm down.”

He noticed that Jay had already texted him but he didn’t notice. 

Jay: “I’m not feeling too well, think I’m gonna ditch classes today.”

He replied back quickly. 

Sykkuno: “Okay, feel better soon.”

Maybe he would go over to his place later and check up on him. 

“Dammit, they’re leaving.” Raina huffed, but Sykkuno didn’t look back at them again. 

He couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

**

Sykkuno set up a small coffee table in the middle of his dorm that night. He put plates and utensils on either side, then a small flower vase in the middle that he’d gotten from his cupboard. He was trying to imitate a fancy date setting. He’d even cooked, but it was mainly because he was hungry. 

As he put the pasta on the plates, the door to his dorm creaked open slowly. Corpse stood in the doorway and gazed curiously at the set up. “What are you doing?”

“I just want to practice for the date.” He said, suddenly feeling awkward.

Corpse smiled and walked over, sitting down on the floor. “This smells amazing, what is it?”

“Shrimp linguine.” Sykkuno put the pot back onto the stove and then sat down across from him. “So...When we’re together, what should I do? I don’t want to make him bored, what should we talk about?”

Corpse twirled some pasta around his fork. “Don’t think too hard about it. You two have known each other for five years, just have a normal conversation. Why don’t you talk to me like how you would talk to him?”

Sykkuno straightened himself up. “So Jay...How is your day going?”

Corpse chuckled. “Why do you sound so stiff?”

“Because I’m nervous obviously.”

“Don’t be nervous, remember this is just practice.” Corpse took a bite. “Holy shit, this is delicious.”

“Thanks.” He smiled as he took another bite. His heart felt warm watching him eat. He was glad he was feeling better after yesterday. “So...Are you going to ask that Crystal girl out soon?”

Corpse stopped chewing. “Huh?”

“I saw you two today, you look cute together.” Sykkuno picked at his pasta.

“Oh…” He cocked his head, his eyes challenging him again. “Why, you think I should?”

“If you want.” He shrugged. 

“Well I don’t really like her like that. We’re just hanging out.” 

“Cool.”

The room became quiet and tense. Sykkuno wanted to punch himself in the face. Why did he even bring it up?

“If you want to engage Jay on the date,” Corpse spoke up then, “you can’t just talk to him. You need to make moves too.” 

“Oh, right. What do you think I should do-“

Corpse took his hand then and rubbed his thumb along his knuckles. Sykkuno’s heart fluttered. “Subtle things like this, just to show that you want to be closer to him.”

“O-Okay.”

Corpse moved his hand back but Sykkuno held onto it and pulled him forward. He brought his thumb to the corner of his mouth and brushed it gently. He let his thumb linger on his lips for a little longer. 

“Sorry, you had a little sauce on your face.” He whispered. 

Corpse watched him intently. 

Sykkuno smiled mischievously. “Was that good?”

“Yeah it was.” 

He was about to sit back down but Corpse held onto his wrist, not allowing him to move. Sykkuno looked at him in surprise. 

“If you’re going to do something like that,” he spoke slowly, his voice vibrating through his body, “he’s going to think you want to kiss him.” 

Sykkuno trembled. “So...So what should I do then?”

Corpse licked his lips.

“Do you want me to teach you for real now?”


	6. six

Sykkuno’s body was numb but he could still feel Corpse’s grip around his wrist. “W-What?” He managed to utter out.

“Why do you sound so confused? Isn’t this what you said you wanted?” Corpse loosened his grip slightly. 

He did say that. But he couldn’t tell what the reason was anymore. What were his intentions? Did he want to learn properly or was it something else? Why was he so confused about what he actually wanted?

“Okay,” he spoke tentatively, “teach me.”

Corpse let go of his wrist and put a finger beneath his chin to prop it up slightly towards him. Sykkuno could feel himself getting sucked into his intense gaze so he closed his eyes.

“Are you sure?”

“Mhm.”

It became harder to breathe as he felt the space close between them. Sykkuno’s skin prickled with heat when he felt Corpse’s breath against his lips.

“I’ll be gentle.” He whispered before brushing his lips against his. It was light and airy at first, their lips moving gently across each other’s as if they were both afraid of accidentally hurting the other. But they slowly fell into place and Corpse began moving deeper, his lips pressing harder against Sykkuno’s. Sykkuno let out a small gasp to get some air in and Corpse slipped his tongue into his mouth, catching him off guard. Sykkuno followed his lead and pushed deeper. Their lips moved roughly across each other’s, tongues intertwining as they collided. 

Corpse suddenly broke away and dragged his lips down to his jawline, kissing slowly. Sykkuno could feel everything, even his hands that were now wrapped around his waist and entangled in his hair. Corpse knitted his fingers further into the strands as he tilted Sykkuno’s head back to kiss his neck. Sykkuno clasped the back of his shirt in his hands as he sucked eagerly on the skin.

“Mm,” a small moan escaped his lips. 

Corpse pulled back slowly and leaned his head against Sykkuno’s chest. He chuckled. “Fuck, if you do that I don’t think I’m going to be able to control myself.”

Their pants filled the air as reality slowly started to set back in. What had just happened?

No one moved or spoke for a long time. But Sykkuno was the first one to push away. 

“You know,” he stood and turned his back to him. “Raina likes you a lot. I know she’s not your type, but she’s a good person...You should be with her. Maybe we can all go out together-“

“Why the fuck are you suddenly telling me this?”

He let out a shaky breath. “Because...I care about Jay.”

“God,” Corpse laughed almost in disbelief. “I know that Sykkuno. We just kissed, you told me that you didn’t know how to so I was teaching you like you asked...Just in case anything happened on your date.”

The words sounded even more stupid coming out in the open than in his head. 

Sykkuno looked back at him, but Corpse couldn’t even meet his gaze. He wanted to laugh. “So that’s the only reason why you kissed me...Just for a lesson?”

Their eyes locked suddenly. “Isn’t that why I’m here?”

He was right. 

The only reason he came here everyday, was so that he could help him win over Jay. There was nothing else between them and he was stupid to even think it. His type was girls like Crystal, even if he denied it. But almost everyone at the school was attracted to him. Why would he pick Sykkuno out of everyone? It was so unrealistic and Sykkuno knew better than that. It was just safer for him to give his heart to Jay. 

But since when was he considering Corpse?

Sykkuno felt his head throb then and he pinched the bridge of his nose. “I think we should just stop for today.”

Corpse stood slowly but hesitated to leave. They stood in silence for a bit longer before he spoke up again.

“Maybe..I will take your offer up on Raina.” 

Sykkuno felt his heart drop. He cleared his throat. “You should...You two would make a good couple.”

“Right.”

With that he left and Sykkuno once again stood alone. The sound of the door closing cemented his lingering doubts and regrets even further.

**

A couple days later he laid out the outfit he chose for the date on his bed. He spent a long time picking it out because he didn’t have much guidance anymore. Corpse had been avoiding him ever since their kiss, but in all honesty he was avoiding him too. Maybe it was for the best. But they would see each other that night anyways since he was coming along with Raina. 

Sykkuno’s phone chimed then and he picked it up. His heart lifted when he noticed it was Jay. He opened the text and saw a selfie of him posing in a black blazer with a white t-shirt underneath with black pants. His brown hair was pushed out of his face, revealing his forehead and eyebrows.

Jay: “How do I look? I’m coming to pick you up in 10.” :)

Sykkuno smiled at his phone. 

Sykkuno: “You look amazing, I’ll be waiting.” 

He still couldn’t believe he was going out with him. It didn’t feel real. He was about to put his phone down when he heard it chime again and noticed it was Raina. 

Raina: “I’m so nervous, what if Corpse doesn’t like me?”

Sykkuno typed back slowly, a sickening feeling wrenching itself into his stomach. 

Sykkuno: “I know he’ll like you. I promise you’ll be fine.” 

He sighed and threw the phone onto his bed. 

He just wanted things to go back to normal. But what even was normal? Without Corpse’s help, he probably wouldn’t have even gotten this far with Jay. He was literally hopeless. Now he knew a bit more than before. 

A few minutes later Jay knocked at his door and Sykkuno raced to open it. Jay smiled softly when he saw him and scanned him up and down. 

“Wow, you look great.” He said, pointing at his hair that he styled up as well. “Hey, you kinda did it like mine.”

“Yes, you were my inspiration.” Sykkuno chuckled. 

“I think Raina and Corpse are going to meet us there. Are you ready to head out?” 

“Yeah of course.”

They left his dorm and walked to his car, Jay opening the door for him. Sykkuno blushed and climbed in. When Jay got in beside him, he told him the location so he could put it into his gps. 

“I can’t believe you chose such a fancy place for our date.” Jay said then.

“Is it bad?” Sykkuno asked nervously. 

“No, no I just wasn’t expecting it. I love it though, I love fancy dinners. I’m going to stuff my face with so much food tonight.” 

Sykkuno felt relieved. If it wasn’t for Corpse, he wouldn’t have known where to take him. 

They arrived at the restaurant a few minutes later and Sykkuno immediately noticed Corpse and Raina waiting outside for them. His heart stopped when he realized Corpse was in a suit and his hair was tied up higher onto his head. Sykkuno couldn’t take his eyes off of him.

“Are you gonna come out?” Jay poked him and he jumped. 

“Uh yeah, sorry. I just got distracted.” He laughed and unbuckled his seat belt, opening the door. Raina squealed when she saw them. She’d curled her hair and had on a short black dress. She looked so pretty and it was like she was matching with Corpse. They looked so good together. 

“Oh my god you two look so cute, you clean up so well.” She smiled happily. Sykkuno wondered where the nerves were that she was talking about. 

“Thanks,” Jay smiled back and looked at Corpse. “Hey man, you look fresh.”

“Thanks buddy,” Corpse gave him a fist bump. He glanced at Sykkuno and gave him a quick nod. Sykkuno’s stomach twisted when he took Raina’s hand. “Let’s go inside.” 

“Sure.” He whispered. He wanted to reach for Jay’s hand but he was too nervous. 

They walked inside and told the host at the front their reservation. She let them in and led them towards a table in the back. White lanterns and roses were woven into the wooden barrier that separated them from the other customers. Small lights hung from the legs of the tables. 

“This is so pretty.” Raina gasped as she sat down. Sykkuno sat down quickly beside her so that he didn’t have to sit near Corpse. He didn’t think he could handle the night being so close to him. “After we eat, what do you guys say we go to a bar and just drink the night away.”

“I like the sound of that.” Jay picked up the menu and examined it. “Hmm, what do I want...Damn that soup is looking kind of good, so is that pesto pasta.”

Sykkuno smiled at him. “Do you want to order something and we can share it?”

“Sorry Sy, I’m starving I need a whole plate to myself.” 

“Oh, that’s okay don’t worry.” 

Raina looked up from her menu. “Corpse what do you want? I kind of want some garlic bread to start.”

“I was thinking the same thing, let’s get some to share. I was thinking of also getting some short ribs.” He gave her a tender smile. Sykkuno ripped his eyes away and looked back down at the menu. He could feel his hands shaking. 

The waiter came to their table a little while later and they ordered. Corpse and Raina fell into a deep conversation as they waited. Sykkuno noticed Corpse’s hand was on hers and he was rubbing her knuckle softly with his thumb. The same thing he did with him. 

Sykkuno looked away and set his gaze on Jay who was sipping on his soft drink and looking boredly out the window. Sykkuno reached towards him to try and brush his cheek, but Jay turned his head and his face hit his hand instead. Jay fumbled with his drink in surprise and some of it spilled on his shirt. 

“Holy shit, I’m so sorry.” Sykkuno scrambled up quickly and grabbed one of the cloths that held the utensils. He dabbed his shirt quickly. 

Jay laughed and put a hand on his to stop him. “Sy, it’s okay don’t worry about it. It was just an accident.”

It didn’t matter, he was still embarrassed. He sat back down slowly. 

“Aww Sy is nervous, he’s so cute.” Raina cooed. 

Sykkuno gave her a glare. He could feel Corpse watching him. 

Their food came and they began eating. Corpse and Raina were talking and sharing food, but him and Jay just sat in awkward silence. Jay looked more interested in his food than he did in him. Why was this happening? Why was he completely frozen? Everything that Corpse taught him had just completely gone down the drain. Why couldn’t he do anything?

Sykkuno shook his head firmly. No, he wasn’t going to give up just yet. 

He learned forward and whispered. “Jay.” 

Jay stopped eating and glanced up at him. “Yeah?”

“I just wanted to tell you, I like you a lot.”

He blinked. “Um...Thanks. I like you too Sy.”

His heart fluttered. Sykkuno placed his hand carefully on his cheek, Jay felt tense underneath his touch. He pulled back suddenly and cleared his throat. “Uh, I have to use the washroom.”

Sykkuno watched as he stood up and left the table. He stood to follow him, but Corpse grabbed his hand. Raina looked surprised at his action too. 

“Give him some space.” His voice was serious. 

Sykkuno was about to tell him not to tell him what to do, but he didn’t want Raina to get the wrong idea. He sat back down slowly and continued eating. 

Jay returned a while later and gave them a grin. “Are you all done eating? Let’s go get something to drink now.”

“Yess, I’m in the mood to get drunk!” Raina cheered.

“You’re always in the mood to get drunk.”

Sykkuno gave him a careful look. “Are you okay?”

Jay nodded. “I’m fine, don’t worry.”

Sykkuno let out a sigh. He was glad, he thought Jay was mad at him. Maybe that just wasn’t a good time to make a move. 

They cleaned up their area and paid for the dinner. Once they left, Raina gave them the directions to the closest bar nearby and they drove in silence the whole way. Sykkuno felt sick. Why did it feel like he was drifting away from him? Did he do something wrong? He thought he liked him.

When they arrived, Sykkuno noticed the place was more like a club than a bar. As he walked in, he felt like he was at another one of Raina’s dorm parties. They pushed their way through the large crowd of people dancing and drinking. When they reached the bar, Sykkuno immediately ordered a shot. Maybe if he got drunk and cleared his head, he’d be able to properly make a move on Jay.

Raina looked at him. “Calm down Sy, we don’t want you passing out again.”

“I’ll be fine.” He slurred as he went for a third one.

Corpse crossed his arms. “Maybe you should listen to her.” 

“Maybe you,” Sykkuno pointed wobbly at him, “should mind your own business.”

He didn’t say anything back, just watched him closely. 

Jay downed a shot and stood up, stretching quickly. “Alright guys, I’m going to hit the dance floor.”

“I’ll come with you.” Sykkuno tried to stand up but he stumbled. 

Jay caught him quickly and sat him back down. “I think you should stay here Sy. You can barely stand up.” 

Sykkuno watched as he disappeared into the crowd. He wanted to follow him so badly but his legs felt like jelly. They were supposed to be dancing together and flirting, this didn’t feel like a date at all. Why was this happening? 

He turned away and glanced at Corpse and Raina who were deep in conversation again. They stood close to each other, their shoulders touching. Corpse stared at her lips and she stared at his as they talked. Sykkuno could still remember what they felt like. How they felt pressed against his jaw and neck..His stomach flipped at the thought of it. The fact that he was thinking about kissing her made him-

He groaned and put his head in his hands. Fuck that. He didn’t care. He was out on a date with Jay, he should be with him. 

Sykkuno stood up and went to go find him; this time Corpse didn’t stop him. 

The room spun in circles as he dragged himself through the crowd, trying to find Jay’s blue eyes within the moving bodies. But it was too hard to focus, he could only feel the beat of the music rattling through his head. 

He stopped moving because he could barely feel his legs beneath him. He was about to give up and turn back when he noticed the black blazer. It lay crumpled on the floor being trampled by other people’s shoes. 

Sykkuno picked it up carefully. When he looked up he saw him across the room. He had a girl pressed against the wall, their bodies grinding against each other as they kissed feverishly. His hands roamed her body and her hands were underneath his white shirt. 

Why?

What was he doing?

Weren’t they supposed to be on a date?

Why?

Why?

Sykkuno clutched his blazer against his face and crouched down onto the floor. He began sobbing loudly, but his cries were drowned out by the loud music. 

“Sykkuno.” Corpse’s voice cut through the noise; it was so clear. 

Sykkuno lowered the blazer and looked up at him. His eyes were on Jay and the girl; his gaze was venomous. 

Corpse suddenly moved past him and stalked towards them. 

The room froze as Sykkuno watched him grab Jay by the shirt and punch him hard.


	7. seven

Jay cradled his face in shock and then glared at Corpse. Corpse was about to strike him again but Sykkuno quickly raced over and stood in between them. 

“Stop!” He yelled. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” Jay snapped.

“What the fuck is my problem?” Corpse hissed and moved Sykkuno behind him. “You have the audacity to make out with another girl right in front of him, and you’re asking me what my problem is?”

“I didn’t know he was there-“

“That’s not the fucking point!” He yelled. “Why would you agree to go out with him if you were just going to pull this shit? Do you not realize how much he cares about you?”

“I know...I just, I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to turn him down...I couldn’t do that.” Jay shook his head. 

He clenched his fist. “You didn’t want to hurt him by rejecting him, but you’d rather lead him on and then break his heart? Are you an idiot?”

Jay glared at him. “Why the fuck do you even care so much? This is none of your business!”

Corpse grabbed the collar of his shirt. “Do you know how badly I want someone to love me the way he loves you? You know exactly what I went through, how lonely I was because everyone except you treated me like shit! I literally reached rock bottom and almost fucking killed myself Jay! I wish I could have what you have! But you don’t even give a shit, you’re deliberately hurting him because you want to be stupid and reckless! How can you be so selfish-“

Sykkuno put a hand on his shoulder. “Corpse, it’s okay. Please stop.”

He felt him ease up against his touch. Corpse let go of him abruptly and stepped back. Sykkuno handed Jay his blazer. 

He took it back slowly. “I’m sorry Sy-“

“Let’s just go home before we get kicked out.” Sykkuno couldn’t even look at him. The girl who he was kissing looked at them in confusion. 

Raina suddenly emerged from the crowd then. “What the hell are you guys doing?”

“Nothing, let's just go.” Corpse muttered and walked past her. Raina looked at him and Jay next, but he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He just wanted to go home and cry himself to sleep. 

They left the club and walked out into the parking lot. Corpse was leaning against the hood of his car with his arms crossed. He gave Jay a dark look when he spotted him. “Jay take Raina home, let Sykkuno come with me.”

“Why-“ Jay started but he quickly cut him off.

“Because I don’t want you alone with him. I think he’s been through enough for tonight.” 

Raina stepped forward. “Is someone going to tell me what the fuck is going on? Corpse, why aren’t I going with you?”

“I promise I’ll explain it to you later. Please just trust me right now.” He walked towards Sykkuno and took his hand. 

“No,” Sykkuno pulled it back, “you should stay with Raina, you shouldn’t just leave her-“

“Sykkuno.” His voice was firm. “I’m not arguing with you right now.”

Sykkuno felt numb as he took his hand again and led him towards his car. Corpse opened the door for him and he sat down silently, just staring blankly straight ahead. The sound of the engine starting made his head hurt even more. He leaned it against the cool pane of the window and closed his eyes as Corpse pulled out of the lot. 

They drove for a long time in silence. Sykkuno didn’t have the energy to speak. His heart felt heavy in his chest. He just didn’t understand. It hurt that Jay didn’t actually like him. But it hurt even more that he probably felt so repulsed by him that he would hook up with someone else in the middle of their date. It made him feel so small and ugly. Was he really not worth it to him at all?

Sykkuno opened his eyes after a while and glanced out the window. He noticed they were in his neighborhood, but they weren’t driving towards his dorm. He looked over at Corpse. He couldn’t make out his facial expression because it was dark. But as the street lights flickered over his face from the windshield, he could still see how tense he was.

“Sorry for wasting your time.” Sykkuno managed to whisper then.

Corpse looked at him. 

“I asked you to help me and you took time out of your life to come over practically everyday. B-But-“ His voice cracked and Corpse put a hand on his leg. 

“You just got hurt and you’re seriously worried about me right now?” He laughed softly. “Look, I don’t care about any of that Sykkuno. I never looked at helping you as some sort of inconvenience. I like spending time with you.”

Sykkuno wiped the tears that streamed down his face. His words somehow managed to slightly warm his broken heart. “Where are we going?”

“To my place. I just thought maybe it wasn’t a good idea to bring you back to your dorm, because Jay might try to find you and talk to you. I thought you needed some space.” He replied. 

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. It’s the least I could do.” 

They continued driving and reached his apartment a few minutes later. Corpse parked the car and climbed out to open the door for Sykkuno. When they reached his room, he rummaged through his pocket for his keys. 

“Uh, it might be a bit dirty inside. I wasn’t really expecting company.” He gave him a shy smile. 

“It’s fine, I don’t care.” Sykkuno was actually interested to see where he lived. They’d only ever hung out in his dorm, so this would be new territory for him. 

When Corpse opened the door, he immediately noticed how dark the space was. The furniture, walls, and accessories were all either a black or navy blue colour. There was a small kitchen, a single bedroom, and a small living room. The layout was similar to Sykkuno’s but a lot more cluttered. There were dishes in the sink, clothes hanging over the couch, and leftover dishes, paper, pencils and a cigarette tray crowding the little table in his living room. 

Sykkuno stared at the cigarette tray and Corpse quickly moved it away. “I didn’t know you smoked.”

“I only do it sometimes.” He sounded nervous. 

Sykkuno sat down slowly on the couch. 

“Um,” Corpse rubbed his arm awkwardly, “I have an inflatable mattress if you want to sleep on it.”

“Sure, that would be nice.” He looked down at his clothes. “Did you by any chance have a shirt I could sleep in too?”

“Ah, yeah I do.” He turned away quickly. “I’ll be right back.”

Sykkuno watched him usher into his room. He looked around curiously and noticed a picture frame by the TV. It was Corpse smiling happily with a woman in a park when he was younger. Sykkuno assumed it was his mother.

His eyes fell back on the table in front of him and he picked up one of the many pieces of paper. There were words sprawled out across the pages, as if he was trying to write out the rough draft for a story. 

Corpse came out a few seconds later with a dark grey t-shirt and the folded mattress in hand. Sykkuno looked up at him. “Is it okay if I ask what this is?”

“Oh...It’s just um, it’s my song lyrics. My handwriting isn’t exactly the neatest. When I plan it out, I kinda just write anything that’s in my head.” He ran a hand through his hair that was now untied.

“You write music? That’s so cool.” 

“Yeah...I sing sometimes too.” 

Sykkuno gripped the paper harder. “I feel like I don’t know anything about you.” 

“Well,” Corpse opened up the mattress and then handed him the shirt. “I feel like I haven’t really told you anything.” 

Sykkuno took the shirt slowly. 

“You can change in the washroom if you want-“

“It’s okay.” He was too tired to move and his head was still killing him from the alcohol and stress. He unbuttoned his shirt carefully and then pulled it over his head. 

Corpse cleared his throat and looked away. 

Sykkuno chuckled. “What? You haven’t seen a guy shirtless before?”

“I’m just trying to give you privacy.” He said underneath his breath. 

Sykkuno slipped on the shirt. It was pretty big for him but it was comfy.

When he was done, Corpse glanced back at him. He blinked almost in surprise and stared, absorbing him carefully. 

Sykkuno rubbed his neck uncomfortably. “Is there something wrong? Do I look weird?”

“No you don’t, you look-“ Corpse bit his lip. “Never mind. Are you okay sleeping out here alone? I can grab you a blanket and pillow before I go.” 

“Okay. And yeah, I should be fine.” He stood up and walked over to the mattress that was almost done being pumped up by the machine. 

When Corpse disappeared into his room again, Sykkuno lay down and let out a long sigh. His body felt like it was shutting down gradually. His head was so clouded, all he wanted to do was sleep-

He jumped when he felt Corpse behind him.

“Lift your head.” He whispered. 

Sykkuno lifted his head slowly. He could feel Corpse’s body over him as he adjusted the pillow. He then draped a warm blanket over his body. 

Even though he felt so sick and broken, Corpse’s presence set his body on fire. 

“Good night-“ Corpse started but Sykkuno grabbed his hand before he could turn away. 

“W-Wait...I lied. Is it okay if you sleep out here?” He forced himself to ask. 

Corpse didn’t say anything for a long time but eventually he nodded. “Yes I can. I’ll just sleep on the couch.”

“Thank you.”

He left again and Sykkuno closed his eyes waiting for him to return. When he came back into the living room, he turned off the lights. Sykkuno could hear him shuffle towards the couch and lie down, it creaked beneath his weight. 

It fell silent once he properly adjusted himself. That same tense silence that always managed to worm its way between them. He turned on his side and looked over at him in the dark. He’d almost forgotten that they hadn’t talked to each other for a few days after the kiss. It was almost like nothing happened between them. 

“Are you still awake?” Corpse whispered then. 

“Yes.”

The silence rose again. 

“Did you really only kiss me just for a lesson?” Sykkuno cut through it. 

“Why are you asking me this now?”

“Because...I need to hear your answer.”

Corpse sighed. “Are you seriously not tired yet? You went through a lot tonight, you should get some sleep-“

“Can you please, just answer the question.” His voice shook. He didn’t know if he could go another day with that empty feeling in his stomach. That unsureness and doubt that he only felt because of him. 

“I can’t answer that, not right now.” Corpse whispered. “You only want an answer because you feel hurt and lonely. You want someone to fill your void-“

“Why are you trying to tell me how I feel?” Sykkuno clenched his teeth. “I just want to know how you feel! Why are you avoiding the question-“

“If I told you how I feel, you would hate me!” Corpse shouted suddenly. 

Sykkuno sat up slowly. “Why? Why would you think that?”

“Because,” he croaked, “I think...I think I might be in love with you Sy.”


	8. eight

“I-It just feels so wrong for me to say this, because I know you’re in a lot of pain right now.” Corpse whispered. “But to be honest, even though you got hurt by him tonight and I was so pissed off...There was still something within me that was so happy that you two wouldn’t be together.”

Sykkuno’s heart thumped loudly in his ears.

“I only agreed to help you with Jay, because I wanted to be closer to you. That’s so selfish right?” His voice sounded hollow. “You were trying so hard with him and all I wanted was to have you for myself. Doesn’t that make me a shitty person? To fall in love with someone who loves someone else? But that note you put in my bag...Even though I knew it wasn’t for me; that was the first time someone told me they loved me. So when I saw that...I just, I just held onto it. No matter what, I couldn’t let you go.”

He closed his eyes.

“But it’s Jay. He’s the one you love, it’ll always be him. That was clear to me after we kissed.” He continued. “There was no space in your life for me-

Sykkuno stood up, his body moving on its own. He walked towards the couch and reached for Corpse in the dark. When he felt his shirt, he grabbed him and pulled him forward. Their bodies collided, almost as if they were desperate to be near each other. Sykkuno gripped onto him and kissed him hard, desperately. Corpse was frozen at first, but he eventually kissed him back. He bit Sykkuno’s lip as he forced him down onto the couch, his hands slipping underneath his shirt. Sykkuno shivered as he rubbed his torso and chest. He arched his back to get closer to him, their lips still moulded around each other. 

Corpse broke away slightly, his forehead pressed against his. Sykkuno ran his hand slowly through his hair and traced his fingers down the back of his neck. 

“How could I hate you,” He spoke then. “When I’m falling for you too?”

Corpse didn’t say anything back, he just rested his head on Sykkuno’s chest. Sykkuno closed his eyes, his body felt light...Like he was floating. As he drifted into a deep sleep, he could hear Corpse’s muffled sobs. 

**

Bright sunlight streamed into Sykkuno’s eyes when he fluttered them open the next morning. He yawned and turned onto his back, glancing down at his body. He was still on the couch, but a blanket was draped over him. 

“Good morning.” He heard Corpse’s voice from the kitchen then. 

He sat up and glanced back at him. His stomach dropped when he noticed he was shirtless. Corpse came towards him with a plate of severely burnt eggs. 

“I made you breakfast.” Corpse smiled and placed the eggs on the table. 

Sykkuno stared down at them. “Uh...Thanks...But did you light them on fire?”

“They may have ignited a little…” He scratched just chin, “sorry, I’m not exactly the best at cooking.”

Sykkuno laughed. 

Corpse sat down beside him and watched him eat with a small smile on his face. Sykkuno glanced at him, scanning his bare chest. 

“What?” Corpse smirked.

“Nothing...Just wondering where your shirt is.”

“You took it off last night when we had sex.”

Sykkuno started choking. “W-When we did what?”

Corpse chuckled. “I’m just joking Sy, we didn’t do anything. We both just crashed out after everything-“

“I heard you crying though...Why?” He asked carefully.

“Because,” A soft expression fell onto his face, “I haven’t felt so happy in a long time.”

Sykkuno smiled. “I feel the same way-“

His phone chimed loudly then and he picked it up slowly. His heart fell when he noticed it was Jay. Corpse glanced down to see and his jaw tensed.

“I should probably talk to him.” He said tentatively, letting the call end. “But face to face.” 

Corpse looked down at his hands. “Maybe I should come with you.”

Sykkuno shook his head. “No...It’s better if I do it alone.”

Sykkuno stood up then to put his plate away. As he washed the dish, he felt Corpse behind him. He snaked his hands around his waist and hugged him tightly. Sykkuno shivered when he felt his lips on his neck. 

“I don’t want you to leave.” He whispered into his skin. 

He pulled away and went to go dry his hands. “We’ll see each other at school, don't worry.”

Corpse watched him closely. “So what is this exactly?”

“What is what?” 

“I don’t know...This. We kissed again last night, and told each other how we felt.” He said. “I want it to be something more, but what do you want Sy?”

“I think,” he sighed, “that I should clear things up with Jay first.”

“Why? What does he have to do with what goes on between us?”

Sykkuno fell quiet. 

Corpse laughed and shook his head. “See? I fucking told you, it’ll always be him for you.”

“It’s been less than a day since all this happened, Corpse. Jay is my first love...My feelings for him are not just going to disappear overnight. But that doesn’t mean I’m pursuing them anymore, I told you I like you and I meant that.” He pressed.

“So when you see him, your mind isn’t going to change?” 

Sykkuno didn’t say anything back. 

“This is why,” Corpse walked past him but stopped half way. “I didn’t want to tell you how I felt, because I knew you only wanted to hear an answer to distract you from what happened with Jay. This is what happens when your heart gets broken Sy, you want someone to fix it for you...You want someone to fill your void.”

He looked back at him. “That’s not true-“

“So If that date didn’t happen last night, would you even have told me how you felt? If everything worked out with Jay, would you be with him right now or me?” He whispered. 

A lump rose in Sykkuno’s throat. Why couldn’t he answer the question?

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Corpse began walking again but Sykkuno ran towards him and grabbed his arm. 

“Wait-“

“Don’t fucking touch me!” He snapped it away and Sykkuno let go in surprise. Corpse looked back at him, but his eyes weren’t angry. They just looked sad and torn.

Tears filled them, and Sykkuno knew this time they weren’t of happiness. 

“Don’t touch me until you know exactly what you want.”


	9. nine

Tw // self harm

The sound of Jay knocking at Sykkuno’s door made his heart jump.

He’d told him to meet him at his dorm after he left Corpse’s place. How things had ended off with Corpse, made him feel sick to his stomach. But he had to push it down to face Jay. 

“Don’t touch me until you know exactly what you want.” His voice rang through his head. 

Sykkuno gripped the door handle and clenched his teeth. He forced himself to open it. When he laid his eyes on Jay, he immediately noticed his black eye from Corpse’s punch. His other eye looked red almost as if he was crying. 

They stood facing each other for a while, no one moving or saying anything. 

“Can I come in?” Jay asked hesitantly then. 

Sykkuno stepped aside to make room for him to come through. “Sure.”

Jay walked passed him but he didn’t sit down, just shoved his hands into his pockets. “I wanted to apologize to you Sy.”

Sykkuno didn’t look at him. 

“What I did...Is something that a best friend shouldn’t ever do.” He said. “I shouldn’t have led you on, I should have told you straight up that I didn’t feel the same way. But I was so fucking scared, I didn’t want me rejecting you to ruin our friendship. The guilt that I felt after I said yes to our date, it made me feel sick Sy. I just couldn’t handle it, I-I thought if you found out how I truly felt you would hate me-“

“So you decided to fix that by kissing another girl in the middle of our date?” He gave him a look of disbelief. “What exactly were you thinking when you did that?”

“I wasn’t thinking….I just, I don’t know. Maybe I thought that I could distract myself or something. Either way, there was no excuse for what I did.” Jay pressed. 

“You know...I’m in love with you.”

His eyes widened. 

Sykkuno took in a deep breath. For so long, it was so difficult for him to say that, for him to face his feelings. But now it just came out so easily. Why? No, he knew why, because it wasn’t hard for him anymore. Facing Jay wasn’t hard because he didn’t love him as much as he did in the past. He would always be his first love; but his heart shifted because of Corpse. 

“I’ve been in love with you for a long time now. That’s why I wanted to take you out, because I thought maybe...Just maybe that I had a chance.” He chuckled. “But I realized quickly that you cannot make someone that you love, love you back. That not everything is going to work out the way you intended it to. And maybe, there’s a reason for that.”

“Sy-“

“Even though what you did was stupid, you’re not a bad person Jay. I’m hurt, but I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you, you’ve helped me so much. Our bond and our friendship isn’t going to be erased just because of this. It might take some time for us to get back on the right track, but that’s better than just running away right?” He gave him a smile, even though it hurt to do so. 

Jay stared at him for a long time and then nodded. “You’re right...But still, I feel horrible about what I did. If there’s anything I can do for you, please tell me.” 

“I’m fine...The only thing you can do now is make sure you never do that to someone again.” He glared at him. “If you do I swear I’ll kick your ass. I have absolutely no idea how I will, but I’ll figure out how to do it.” 

Jay chuckled. “It’s fine, I deserve it. Raina tried to punch me in my other eye after I told her what happened. She was pissed too.”

“Rightfully so.”

Jay touched his black eye slowly then. “To be honest, for as long as I’ve known Corpse...I’ve never seen him defend someone like that before. I think he cares about you a lot.”

Sykkuno’s heart fell. 

“I don’t know what’s going on between you two but...Corpse is complicated. He’s not someone that shares his emotions a lot, but he’s suffering Sy. He’s been through so much shit and I think he just needs someone by his side, someone that won’t leave him.” 

“Him and I,” he spoke slowly, “have been spending a lot of time together. He was helping me with trying to confess to you in the beginning, but a lot of things have changed since then.”

Jay tilted his head. “So what are you saying? That you two have feelings for each other now?”

“Yes...But things are kind of difficult right now-“

“Then why are you standing here with me?”

Sykkuno looked at him. 

“You need to go to him, Sy. No matter what, if he’s giving his heart to you; then that means he needs you. Fix whatever it is that’s happening between you two. I just...I want to see Corpse happy. And I think he can be happy with you.” 

He remembered Corpse’s tranquil expression after he told him the reason that he cried was because he was happy. Sykkuno was so happy when they were together last night too. So why did he hurt him? Why did he make him waver? He knew exactly what he wanted.

It was him. 

**

Sykkuno raced back to Corpse’s apartment. The frigid air pricking his skin like needles as he ran, practically tripping over his feet. People gave him weird looks as he barrelled through the front doors, desperate to get inside. When he reached his door, he crouched over, panting loudly out of breath. His heart thumped in his chest as he moved to knock, but he froze when he noticed the door was slightly ajar.

He pushed it open and ran inside. “Corpse?” He called, but his voice ricocheted back to him. The apartment was hollow and empty. 

Sykkuno noticed the shirt he’d borrowed was lying on the floor. The mattress was still inflated too. He sped past them and careened into Corpse’s room. His bed was undone, items knocked over, the screen to his computer broken, and clothes from his dresser strewn on his floor. It looked like a tornado had gone through there; and there was still no sign of him. 

Sykkuno was about to turn away to leave, when he noticed something wet on the floor. It was specks of red. His throat stung. 

“You know exactly what I went through, how lonely I was because everyone except you treated me like shit! I literally reached rock bottom and almost fucking killed myself Jay!” His voice shot through his head. 

The image of the marks on his wrist scraped painfully back into his memory next. The bullying, them saying he sounded like a demon because of his voice. Him mentioning that Jay tried his best to defend him, how he learned about everything he taught him as a coping mechanism. 

“...He’s suffering Sy. He’s been through so much shit and I think he just needs someone by his side, someone that won’t leave him.” 

Sykkuno’s legs gave out from underneath him and he crumbled onto his knees. His hands shook uncontrollably as he pulled out his phone. 

“No, please no.” He whispered as he dialed his number. 

The phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing…But no answer. 

Sykkuno kept calling. “Please pick up!”

Nothing. 

“Shit!” He threw the phone and put his head in his hands. 

This was his fault. If he just stayed with him, he wouldn’t have relapsed. He would be okay, he would be in his arms. But all he cared about was himself. It was all about him from the start. He didn’t even try harder when he saw something was wrong. And now he was gone, he didn’t know where he was. It was too late. 

Sykkuno lifted his head slowly, and noticed a piece of paper within the mess. For some reason it stood out to him, called him. He crawled towards it, small splatters of blood were on its edge. He must’ve had it before he left. 

Sykkuno grabbed it quickly and turned it over. Corpse’s handwriting was strewn across the page. The title for it was scribbled at the top. It was a song.

Love Lessons:

Love fucks you up. 

Makes you fucking crazy, like a demon. Someone selfish, someone greedy, someone evil.

Love fucks you up.

But without love you’re weak, lonely, afraid. Someone desperate, someone vulnerable.

Love fucks you up.

But it makes you hopeful, happy, alive.

When I felt your lips against mine, it was easy. I felt no pain, I was free. 

I fell in love with you. 

You fucked me up.


	10. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exams were kicking my ass which is why I haven't uploaded in awhile, but thank you again for all the love on this story <3 this chapter is in Corpse's POV...I hope you enjoy.

Tw // mention of self harm and suicide attempt 

Corpse POV:

When Corpse opened his eyes, it was pitch black. 

He lifted his head groggily and looked around. Where was he? His body felt sore, like he’d just run a long marathon. Corpse moved his hand to feel where he was, but a sharp pain struck him instead. 

“Fuck,” he hissed, holding onto his wrist. He moved his other hand to feel further and then suddenly brushed a wheel. What? He was in his car? When did he get there?

He reached to click on the lights and immediately saw the bloody bandage around his wrist. He glanced to his right and noticed the crushed up cans of beer on the seat next to him. The hours before flooded back to him. His breakdown after Sykkuno left him, him cutting himself and the blood...All the blood. He stopped himself though, forced himself to leave his apartment and go treat his wound. Then he bought alcohol, drove somewhere and just drank until he passed out. 

He sighed and slumped back into his seat, rummaging through his coat pocket for his cigarettes. He stared at it silently, remembering Sykkuno’s shocked expression when he found out he smoked. He’d lied, saying he only did it sometimes, when in reality he always needed one in his mouth to distract him from things. 

Sykkuno.

He was probably with Jay by now and the thought of it made his heart clench. He’d thought maybe he finally found someone that would love him, but he was delusional. Why would anyone love someone like him? The boy that everyone called a demon. The boy that his mom hated. 

He lit a cigarette slowly and rolled down his window to blow out the smoke into the night. Where the hell even was he? He noticed the cemetery stones littered on the field in front of him. His heart sank. It was the graveyard where his mom was buried. Even though she treated him like shit, he still always found his way back to her. 

She was loving at first. 

Had met his dad when she was on a trip to Mexico. Then she got pregnant, he came back to America with her and they had him. They were all so happy together. Corpse’s memory was fuzzy, but he remembered his childhood to be warm and peaceful. Then suddenly one day; his dad just left them. No real reason why...He just left. It destroyed his mom, and his mom took her anger out on him. 

When he was younger, he also developed pretty bad laryngitis which affected how his voice sounded. She would berate him for it everyday, saying he was the reason why his dad left because it scared him off. In all the years before she died, he didn’t remember hearing her say she loved him once. At school it was even worse, people stayed far away from him because they thought his voice sounded weird. It was like that all the way until high school, when they suddenly decided to turn violent. 

Corpse had never fit in before, but high school was even worse. There was this one group of guys, they wouldn’t leave him alone. The way they treated him traumatized him until that day. They would steal his things, call him an ugly demon, throw stuff at him, beat him up after school. He faced that everyday and then he would have to go home and be neglected and abused by his own mother. 

The only thing that comforted him was watching romance movies and reading romance books. He liked seeing the stories of people falling in love, liked watching them experience something that he couldn’t. He searched up ways to flirt, how to win someone over...Almost like he was practicing for an imaginary person. He just wanted to experience it on his own. He just wanted to be loved so badly. 

He remembered one day, just lying on the concrete after getting beat up. His nose was bleeding and he could barely breathe because they aimed for his ribs when they kicked. That was the first time he considered killing himself. He was just so tired and hopeless...But then-

“Holy shit, are you okay?” 

He looked up and saw Jay standing over him, his face twisted in concern. He couldn't even reply, just grunted weakly. 

“I’m going to go get some help-”

“No!” He groaned. He didn’t want to drag anyone into his problems. “Please, please don’t. I-I’m fine.” 

“You’re not fine, you’re hurt.” Jay crouched down to help him up. “Can I atleast help you?” 

He slumped in his arms and nodded. 

Jay walked him to a nearby drug store where he bought him a first aid kit to help his bloody nose. They sat on the sidewalk outside as he helped wipe his nose carefully. Corpse stayed silent. He’d never had someone take care of him properly in so long...It felt nice. 

“Are you feeling a bit better now?” Jay asked him.

“Yeah...I’m fine.”

He watched him closely. “Can I ask who did this to you?”

Corpse sighed. “It doesn’t matter. I’m used to it, so don’t make a big deal out of it alright?”

“How can I not make a big deal? I thought you were dead when I found you.” Jay said firmly. “Look if you’re scared that this whole situation is gonna blow up, then I won’t tell anyone. But at least let me stick by you so that this doesn’t happen again. We can be friends.”

Friends.

That was the first time someone had wanted to be his friend. It felt too good to be true.

“I-I don’t want you to get hurt-“

“You don’t have to worry about me, I can hold my own.”

Corpse was about to argue back but Jay thrust his hand towards him. 

“My name is Jay, nice to meet you.” He gave him a small smile.

“I’m,” he shook his hand slowly, “my name is Corpse.”

“Corpse? Holy shit, that’s a cool name.”

Corpse stared at the ground. “You’re not scared of me?”

“Why would I be scared of you? You’re a normal human being like everyone else.” He laughed. 

He felt like crying at that moment. 

Even when he returned home and was struck again by his mom for not being on time; he didn’t care. He didn’t care because he finally had a friend.

Jay kept his promise and he stuck by him. They got to know each other better and spent a lot of time together. But that didn’t stop the boys. If he wasn’t by Jay’s side, they would constantly torment him. Then one day Jay caught them in the act. 

“Get the fuck away from him!” He pushed one of them back, but he quickly shot back and punched him. Jay was strong like he said, he did hold his own but he was overpowered. The boys laughed and left him there, struggling to stand because of their beatings. 

Corpse forced himself up and ran to him. “Are you okay?”

“I’m good, I promise-“

“This is why I didn’t want you to help me because I knew you would get hurt!” He yelled. “Can you please just stay away from me? I don’t want to be friends with you!”

He was lying, but he was lying for his own good. 

Jay looked surprised but he nodded slowly. “Usually I would argue with you...But the truth is, I’m moving Corpse. My dad got a job somewhere else. I really won’t be able to help you anymore...I’m sorry. I feel horrible leaving you like this, but I still want us to keep in touch-“

Corpse drowned him out. All he really understood was that he would be all alone again. Suffering and helpless. 

That night he decided to do it. 

He’d cut his wrists before, but to kill himself he wanted something less painful. He knew his mom had pain medication on her nightstand. If he could take enough of those...He would finally be free. So he went into her room to get them; but the bottle was already empty. 

He looked over and saw her lying down face first on her bed. She wasn’t moving. 

Corpse didn’t move either for a long time. He just stood there staring at her. The old, happy memories they all shared together floated slowly through his memory. Even though he was sad, he didn’t cry.

He wanted to kill himself to be free...But her death was almost like his escape. 

He was basically an orphan after she died. They couldn’t locate his dad, so he was forced to go live with his godmother which was his mom’s sister. She didn’t really care for him, more saw him being in her home as a burden. He guessed it ran in the family. But he didn’t really care about her, he cared about the fact that he could finally get away from those boys. That he didn’t have to be scared to come home anymore. 

He worked hard everyday so that he could finally live on his own. As he got older, people around him became less judgmental of his voice because they matured as well. Although he still isolated himself, it was so hard to open up to anyone because he was afraid they would turn on him. And at night he had the worst nightmares. His mom’s lifeless body coming back to haunt him, that group of boys finding him again and murdering him. Even though things were slowly getting better in his life, he still suffered in silence. Writing music and singing helped to ease his pain a little, smoking helped to numb his thoughts.

When it was time to go to college, his aunt gave him enough extra money so he could move out. He knew she just wanted to get rid of him. He bought an apartment and started life again on his own. He was happy to be free, but at the same time he was numb. Waking up everyday on his own, especially after the nightmares, knowing that no one was there to comfort him, made him feel more and more empty inside.

When he saw Jay on campus on his first day; he thought it was a dream. He’d tried staying in touch with him when he left, but they lost contact after a while because he thought he was being a bother to him. 

Jay’s eyes widened when he saw him. “Holy shit, Corpse is that you?”

“Y-Yeah.” He replied nervously.

Jay hugged him hard. “You don’t know how happy I am that you’re okay.” 

Corpse hugged him back slowly. For the first time in a long time, he felt a tinge hope again. They caught up with each other, but he still felt like there was a space between them. He knew Jay was in a much better place than him, that they would never be on an equal playing field. Jay was just always so far ahead of him. 

When Corpse saw Sykkuno for the first time, he proved that. Corpse saw the way he looked at him...He could tell he was in love. Of course Jay had someone who loved him. Why wouldn’t he? He was a good person. But it made him jealous. What did that feel like? He wanted it for himself. People were intrigued by him now, thought he was attractive and that his voice was cool. But he didn’t care about them, because they only cared about what was on the outside, not the inside. They never tried to get to know him better, never told him they loved him. That’s all he wanted to hear. Someone to tell him that they loved him.

I love you

Sykkuno 

When Corpse found the note in his bag...He cried. He knew it wasn’t for him...But he still cried. He looked at this person with floppy black hair, passed out on his bed from drinking too much and he was so fucking happy. He came into his life for a reason, he couldn’t let him go. When he was with him, he pictured himself in his room alone when he was younger...Practicing all the things he learned about romance, dating, and flirting for an imaginary person. Except the person was no longer imaginary, but sitting right in front of him. He fell further and further for him with every second that passed. 

Then they kissed. 

It was so good...The way Sykkuno kissed him back...He thought he felt the same way too. But-

“You know, Raina likes you a lot. I know she’s not your type, but she’s a good person...You should be with her. Maybe we can all go out together-“

“Why the fuck are you telling me this?”

“Because...I care about Jay.”

Reality shot him in the head like a bullet. 

No matter what he thought...What he felt…Sykkuno only cared about Jay. 

It was Jay, always Jay. Why did he try to intrude where he didn’t belong? No...He knew the answer...Because he was desperate and lonely. He wanted Sykkuno to feel the same way he did, but it was impossible. 

That’s why he ended up on that date with Raina. She was beautiful and nice...But she wasn’t Sykkuno. Just like when he was with Crystal, he thought the same...But she wasn’t Sykkuno. They were just a distraction. 

But he watched him disappear into the middle of the dance floor...And he couldn’t help but follow, saying that he wanted to make sure he was okay as an excuse. Then he saw him...Crying on the floor...Jay in front of him kissing another girl…

He lost it.

No matter how much he helped him in the past; he hated him so much in that moment. 

He had someone who truly loved him and he didn’t give a shit. How could he not care about him? That was all Corpse ever wanted in his life, while he was being abused by his mother, beaten by those boys, isolated by the people around him. Jay had what he wanted and he took that love for granted...It pissed him off.

He just wanted to protect Sykkuno, shield him from the pain of a broken heart. But it was a mistake, because a broken heart made you do crazy things. 

That’s why he confessed...That’s why Sykkuno kissed him again and told him he was falling for him. But it was all just a remedy for their pain...Because when the sun came back up and their heads cleared, Sykkuno left him again...For Jay. Even after what he did to him...It was still Jay. That’s how it was from the start. Corpse was meant to be alone forever...And that thought ripped his heart out...It paralyzed him.

He broke down and ended up back at the source of his pain. The woman that gave him happiness and then ripped it away from him in a second. 

He threw the cigarette away and got out of the car, charging towards her grave, tears burning his eyes. 

“It’s your fault that I’m like this!” He screamed at her. “Why did you and dad even have me! Just to treat me like a piece of shit? Just to leave me here all by myself!”

He clenched his teeth and sobbed, collapsing onto his knees. 

“No one,” he sniffed, “no one loves me because of you.”

His phone began ringing loudly in his pocket then. It took everything out of him just to pick it up. 

It was Jay. 

Why was he calling him? 

“What do you want?” He croaked when he answered, his anger from before rising within him.

“Where the hell are you?”

“Why the fuck do you care?”

“Because I’m worried you idiot. God, I know you hate my guts right now, but I’m still your friend! And do you even know what happened to Sykkuno?” 

Corpse’s heart stopped and he sat up quickly. “What happened to him?” 

“He left me to go find you after we talked and I didn’t hear from him for hours.” He said. “When I went to go look for him, I found him unconscious in your apartment. I’m at the hospital right now. He’s awake, but he’s worried sick. And I am as well after what I saw at your place.”

He came back for him?

But why?

He thought he wanted to be with Jay...He accepted that fact...So why-

“Look I don’t know exactly what is going on between you two right now, but what I do know is that you care about him and he cares about you. Nothing else should matter right now.” Jay cut through his thoughts. “I’m not important anymore okay? We’ve settled everything between us, he knows what he wants now, so what do you want Corpse?”

He closed his eyes.

What did we want? 

He already knew. 

He wanted to be with Sykkuno.

“Tell him I’m coming.” He whispered and then hung up the phone. His heart sank when he noticed all the missed calls from him.

“Corpse, you’ve been helping me a lot. But please know, that if you ever need help too...For anything, I’ll be here for you okay?” His voice ran through his head. 

He swallowed the knot in his throat and looked down at his mom’s grave. 

He also wanted to be free from his past.

Tears streamed down his face as he turned away from her. 

He didn’t say goodbye.

That was the last time he would be going back there.


	11. eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey sorry for not uploading for so long, but another chapter is finally here! Unfortunately though, this is the last chapter of the story :(( I could’ve given it more chapters...But I felt like it didn’t need to be dragged out too much or it may have ruined the overall plot. I just wanted to thank you for all the love you’ve given my story over time and waiting for updates as well, it means the world to me. Thank you so much again, seriously <3

Sykkuno lay in the hospital room, staring up blankly at the ceiling. The beeping of the machines in the other rooms were starting to lull him to sleep. He thought he would only be there for an hour after passing out in Corpse’s apartment, but his doctor said he should stay and rest until he wasn’t lightheaded anymore. Apparently he was over stressed, which made sense because he still didn’t know where Corpse was. 

He glanced over at Raina who was sleeping soundly in the chair beside his bed. Jay had stepped out to take a call. Sykkuno closed his eyes. He just kept picturing all the blood he saw and it made him nauseous. He opened his eyes again quickly and moved to rummage through his bag for the song Corpse wrote. He’d kept reading through it ever since he got there, it made him feel at ease because he felt like he had a piece of him beside him. 

How did it come to this? 

Corpse was only supposed to help him with Jay...And now everything was so complicated. He didn’t know he would develop feelings for him; that just made everything harder. 

Sykkuno jumped when the door to his room opened suddenly. He looked up and noticed it was Jay. 

“I just got off the phone with Corpse.” He spoke slowly, “he told me to tell you he’s coming.” 

A huge weight lifted off his heart and he gasped in relief. 

Raina stirred and woke up then, blinking tiredly. “Huh? What’s going on?” 

“Corpse is coming.” Jay said.

“Oh,” she blinked and glanced at Sykkuno, “are you okay?”

“Yes...I am.” He nodded and met her eyes, “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you about what was going on between us-“

“Sy, it’s fine. I kind of had a feeling...The whole time he was out with me, I always saw his eyes going to you. It kinda hurts, but I don’t want to get in the way of you two’s happiness.” She chuckled. “And there’s like a million other guys I have a crush on anyways so.” 

Sykkuno laughed. “Okay...Thank you for understanding, it means a lot to me.” 

Jay shoved his hands into his pocket then. “Did you want us to stick around when he comes or give you some space?” 

“I think it’s better if I talk to him alone...You two have been here for so long too, you should go and get some rest. Especially you Raina since you’re barely awake right now.” 

Raina tripped over her foot as she stood up. “I am very much awake!” 

“You’re literally about to fall on your face.” Jay smirked.

“Shut up!”

“Anyways,” he slung an arm around her shoulder. “We’re going to go get something to eat, we’ll bring you back something later okay? Just call us if you need us.” 

Sykkuno nodded. “Will do, thank you again.” 

“No problem,” Jay gave him a fist bump and then they left the room. 

He sat in silence for a long time, his mind completely blank. His stomach filled with butterflies when it truly hit him that Corpse was okay. But what would he do when he showed up? He knew he was the reason why he relapsed...How could he face him now? 

His worries raced through his head as he lay staring up quietly at the ceiling again. He didn’t even know how much time had passed when he heard the door to his room open once again. Sykkuno’s heart stopped when he set his gaze on him. His long hair was messy and untied, clothes wrinkled and worn, his bloody bandage wrapped loosely around his wrist, and there was a hollow, tired expression on his face. 

Sykkuno’s body moved on its own and he stumbled out of bed, hugging him tightly. Any worries he had before completely disappeared with their embrace. Corpse stood there limp for a while but eventually wrapped his arms slowly around him. 

“I’m sorry.” Sykkuno whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing-“

“Because…I feel like I have to.” He said firmly, “I’m so sorry for leaving you alone, I’m sorry for only thinking about myself, I-I’m so sorry for everything…Just please, don’t ever do something like this again. I thought you were gone, I thought I wouldn’t be able to see you again-“

Corpse let go of him suddenly then and looked him directly in his eyes. “Do you really want to be with me?”

“Yes, I made up my mind already-“

“No...You don’t understand. I’m fucked up Sy...It’s not possible to love someone like me.” His voice caught in his throat. “T-That’s why everyone keeps leaving me, that’s why they always treat me like shit. I want to be loved so badly, but if you love me...It won’t end well for you Sy...You’ll be left broken, you don’t want that-“

“Stop!” He snapped, holding onto his shoulders. “Stop talking like that okay? I don’t care about any of it, the way you’ve made me feel...No one else has done that to me! I don’t care how fucked up you are, I love you for who you are okay? You are caring, selfless, attractive and you’re strong...We’re human beings Corpse, we’re allowed to make mistakes! We’re allowed to fuck up! That doesn’t mean we aren’t deserving of love!” 

Tears welled in Corpse’s eyes. 

Sykkuno held his face in his hands and pressed his forehead gently against his. “I know I can’t fix all of the problems you have, because those are scars that need to be healed over time. But I want to be beside you as you heal. I have a long way to go as well, I want to grow and heal together okay? I just want to be with you.”

Corpse sobbed and gave a small smile, closing the space between them. The kiss they shared then wasn’t something that needed to be taught or was initiated by pain, but was gentle and beautiful. Sykkuno felt like something was sealed, that their hearts had finally connected. 

That they were truly in love. 

**

The next day

Sykkuno held a garbage bag as he cleaned up Corpse’s room, putting the broken or messy items inside. Corpse sat beside him, scrubbing the dried blood from off of the floor and cleaning his sheets. The afternoon sunlight streamed onto the bedroom and he could hear people and cars moving about outside. Even though so much had happened the day before; he felt so at peace.

“You didn’t have to help me do this, you know, it’s my mess...I feel bad.” Corpse spoke then.

Sykkuno crouched down and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. “Hey it’s okay don’t worry, I want to help you.”

He blushed and looked away. 

Sykkuno giggled. “What? Are you shy?”

“No...I’m just, really happy…” He said softly. “I hope I can feel this happy for a long time.”

“I hope I can too.” Sykkuno whispered and ran a hand carefully through his hair. “Look at me.”

“I can’t...I’m embarrassed.”

He put a finger softly against his cheek and turned his head towards him. He kissed him deeply on the lips then, cradling his face in his hands. 

Corpse’s eyes widened as he pulled away slightly. “Whoa...I guess the student became the master.”

Sykkuno chuckled. 

Corpse put his hand at the small of his back and pulled him closer. Sykkuno gasped as their lips connected again and Corpse held his waist as they kissed. He shuddered when he felt his hands trace down his navel towards the waist of his pants, reaching for his crotch.

Sykkuno pulled away quickly, his face beet red. “H-Hey let me finish cleaning first. I need to wash dishes.”

“Fine,” Corpse smirked at him, “but when you’re done, you’re all mine okay?”

“Whatever happened to you being embarrassed?” He huffed and climbed off of him. 

Corpse smiled and hugged him from behind as they walked into the living room together. He let go of him when he went into the kitchen. Sykkuno remembered then that he still had his song with him and he rummaged through his pocket to retrieve it. When he got it, he turned to give it back to Corpse, but noticed that he was standing by the TV looking down at the picture of him and his mom. The same hollow and tired expression from the day before lay on his face. 

“Are you okay?” He asked him carefully. 

“Yes.” 

Sykkuno jumped when he suddenly slammed the picture frame on the floor, the glass and frame shattering loudly. He bent down to pick up the picture that lay within the shards and began ripping it slowly into shreds. 

He put the pieces into the ashtray for his cigarettes and pulled his match out of his pocket, lighting them on fire. 

They both watched in silence as it burned.

“I feel a lot better now.” Corpse whispered after a long time.


End file.
